Tuesday, September 16, 2008

In my defense!

My Mother has made mention of the fact that I hate mayonnaise.
If you know me, then this should not be a shock to you.
But seriously people, don't act like it is so absurd to abhor mayo.
I mean, who came up with mixing eggs and vinegar and whatever else you put into it, to make up this creamy substance that Paula Dean thinks is the reason food exists!
I seriously am gagging right now even thinking about it. Arg, barf, ack ack ack.

You must understand my friends, where this hatred began.
Imagine with me...
I was 13 years old and in Pennsylvania visiting my grandparents.
We had just finished a nice lunch of Tuna Fish sandwiches, of course made with mayo, guzzled down with a nice cool can of Grape Soda.
Upon throwing our trash in the "trash can" and our scraps in a "separate" pale (that is what you did at Nana's house), we hopped in the station wagon to go for a drive to another town...another town far far away.
So here I sit, in the "way back" as we called it...the 3rd row seat if you will that faced backwards.
I'm not sure whose brilliant idea it was to put me, the motion sick child, back there, but there I was nevertheless.
The drive to another town was windy and curvy and far away.
It was bound to happen, and it did.
I got so incredibly car sick!
There was no warning, no time to pull over, no time to grab a bag...I just threw up, in the back of the station wagon, facing backwards, having just eaten a tuna fish sandwich and grape soda.
The nearest town was still miles away and so I had to just sit and stew in my thrown up tuna salad and keep that wretched taste in my mouth until we could find a gas station to stop at.

Now please, any sane person that reads my blog...could you, really, ever, even consider, putting tuna fish or mayo in your mouth ever again? Seriously...I am gagging. I need a Mountain Dew right now just to get over this. Grape soda? Nope. Never again.
I mean even on a good day, have you ever smelled tuna fish and mayo and thought
"Wow, that is the best smelling stuff in the world"...Heck no!
Cats eat tuna for crying out loud! Why would it smell good.
Now imagine yourself covered in the stuff, smelling it and tasting it again and again.

So please my friends...stop judging my hatred of mayo and tuna for that matter, and sympathize with the fact that still do this day, 20 years later, the horrible after taste of thrown up mayo, tuna, and grape soda, lives not to far back in the tiniest of my taste buds.
Even seeing the jar of mayo or a can of tuna sends that tiny taste bud into a gagging fit.

Have pity upon me!!!!
Oh, and make your chicken salad, egg salad, and the like with cream cheese or sour cream.
I promise, you will never want to go back to whipped up eggs and vinegar ever again!

13 comments:

care-in said...

I totally forgot about your hatred of mayo. I have to apologize but I am laughing my head off. Of course my smart husband said next time he sees you he will bring you a jar of mayo...don't worry, just offer him an apple and he'll back down.

Kim said...

1995
Black-Eyed Pea
Station 6 sidework


I love your neurotic hatred of mayo. I like to sneak it in recipes I know you'll try. Hehe. It's fun. I'm evil.

Melissa said...

lol, poor missy! i hate tuna fish sandwhiches too. and it's because it's cat food to me, not human food. the nastiest thing i've ever eaten though were sardines. don't ask what happened just trust me that it was vile.

my sister in law's father nearly died of food poisoning from a tuna fish sandwhich he ordered at a subzone restrauant. why anyone would order something like that at a restraunt is beyond me.

but i do like mayo.

michelle said...

you are forgiven my dear, dear friend. LOL.

Stace' said...

I totally remember your return from that trip and the disappointment that we would no longer be making tuna salad with your mom's wonderful pickles (I now make my own).

The thing I love about your aversion to Mayo (Duke's is #1) is that you have replaced the substance with CREAM CHEESE or sour cream. You rock, my clever friend.

I was eating Kashi and plain yogurt while reading this. I almost had a moment. Yuck!

Heather said...

Well, Missy
I LOVE mayonaise I even dip my french fries in it.

Abbey said...

Oh GIRL!!!!! I never minded either mayo or tuna, but after even just reading that story, I don't think I'll eat it for at least a month... If ever again! Gross!!! And no way you should feel bad about that. I used to throw up and feel nauseated when pregnant and to this day can't even look at anything "fresh garden mint" scented. (Eeewww... getting the waterry eyes as I speak of it). When something makes you sick, it makes you sick FOREVER. This is a fact with me. And apparently you too! So I totally get that! :)
Plus, Mayo is terribly unhealthy so forget about it! It will kill your cholesterol!

Jeanny said...

Now that I know your story I will never make fun of you again.

I don't have a problem with mayo, but thanks for telling me about sour cream and other subsitutes for mayo. It really does taste better!

Marsha said...

She's a drama queen!

It was a picnic lunch, and yes, you had to ride in the 'way back'. BUT, we did stop and clean it up with all the spare towels Nana always carries with her...plus a gallon of water for emergencies.

Breath DEEP... exhale. Now it's okay. Face your fears. God is with you, even in the midst of the mayo and tuna. (Grape soda has always turned my stomach.)

I'm just relieved I've been able to convert one of your children.

Missy said...

I respectfully disagree. There were not towels, or water. I tasted it for a long time.

heather said...

Like mayo like tuna fish. Sorry. But the comment about Paula Dean is so true she was making a meatloaf sandwich and put maoy on it. I threw up a little in my mouth and could not change the tv fast enough. Mayo has it place that place is not on a meatloaf sandwich!!!

Marsha said...

White flag of truce! After all, it's all just in fun and I do want to be able to enjoy my time with my grandchildren this w/e.

Dad says he's pretty sure he can leave tomorrow evening. He'll know better by about noon.

Laura Leigh said...

Dana Jennings is an expert on preparing -- hot or cold dishes -- without mayo. There's a link to her blog on mine. You should exchange recipes :)