Thursday, September 4, 2008

Weird Day

Today has been a weird day.
Stacy called me around 12:00 to tell me that his grandmother is on her death bed and he wasn't sure what we should do.
The questions begin..Do we pack up and go over there right this second, Do we wait until tomorrow, Do we take the kids over at all...and so and and so forth.
He calls a little while later to say that he has decided to just hop in the car and go by himself at that very moment. And so from the hours of 1:00-10:00pm my husband drove to Waynesboro MS, said goodbye to his grandmother, and drove home.

A few hours after Stacy left, I talked to my Mom on the phone and found out that my grandfather, whom I have blogged about before, is not doing well. He has Althezimers or dementia and is apparently reaching that stage of loosing it pretty quickly.
Wow! Really? Are Stacy and I really experiencing these same emotions of lose on the same day?

With his Grandmother, she is 96 years old, has lived a long healthy life, has congestive heart failure, but really is dying rather peacefully surrounded by family at home.
With my Grandfather, he is almost 82 years old, has lived a long healthy life, is losing his mind, and could still live many more years not knowing what the heck is going on around him.

Stacy went through a sort of process today. He had 6 hours alone in his car to think and grieve in his own way. I will not recount for him his feelings, but in my thoughts about his grandmother, its not that he saw her very much, but its the knowing that she was there and now will be gone.

I have been mulling over things today too with my Grandfather. The last time I saw him was in January. We had a pleasant visit. He was definitely changing, but our visit was fun, and even sad when he cried when I left. Do I leave it at that? I don't think he's at the stage of not remembering me yet, but what stage is he at concerning his memories of me? I feel weird knowing that I am losing my grandfather before I'm losing my grandfather. Do you know what I mean?
I know Kim and Crissy do because they have just blogged about a very similar experience with their own Grandpa.

Anyways...SOOO not wanting to be a Debbie Downer tonight. Like I said, its just been a weird day. Lots of emotions and thoughts for both the husband and me.

Oh, and there have been several post floating around lately about dreams. Several nights ago I had a dream that my Grandfather died and I couldn't get there. Weird huh?


Chuck said...

My deepest sympathies to you both. When I lost my Granny in June (she died from Alzheimer's) I was fresh out of grandparents. Which underscores how important it is to save their memories, and especially their stories, to pass on to your own children. The richness of experiences of generations that lived before this post-modern age are vital for giving little ones a sense of place and perspective.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry Missy. I can closely relate. My Granny, the only one I've ever known, is slowly fading as well. They think she has alzheimers and she's on medication to slow it down. She has good days and bad. Mostly at this point she justs asks the same questions over and over. She took a turn for the worst a few years ago when my uncle (her son) died. I feel guilty for not spending as much time with her because I know there may come a day when she does not know me or she passes and I didn't get to say goodbye. But life prevents me from seeing her like I would want to. It's hard to see them deteriorate and what it does to your surviving reletives. I hurt for my dad more than anything. The only thing I can tell you is just to give it all to Christ. Ask him for guideance. The only times of year I really get to see my Granny are at Christmas and Thanksgiving. I have begged my family to have some sort of get together at other times of the year so we can see her but they are all stubborn and only want to get together on the day of the holiday. Well, pregnant or not, we just can't do that every year. I get angry because I feel like they don't realize how she is slipping away from us. Ever holiday Brian and I go through the same thing. We worry this will be our last one with her and we pray for some sort of guideance on how we should spend our time. I'm sorry you guys are going through such a difficult time. All you can do is be as prepared as you can. Keep your bags packed and phones charged. After a day or two you'll know what to do.

I'm praying for you.

michelle said...

I'm sorry. I do think it's sweet that at least you both are going through things together. Love you sweet Missy. I'll say a prayer for both of you as I go pack the lunches this morning :(

Stace' said...

Though I never knew my Grandfathers, I imagined what it would be like based on what you had with PawPaw. In a way, he became mine too.

You must do what you feel is best. Don't try to figure it out. Just do what you want your kids and Grandkids to do for you. Only the Lord knows what these Alzheimer patients know and don't know. I fully believe He grants a special grace for these folks and has a very special communion with them while they are in that state here on Earth. I don't believe for one minute that Chuck's Granny laid there for 10 yrs. without a special connection to and grace from the Lord Himself.

My prayers are with you and Stacy. That's a lot to hit all at once.

Abbey said...

When it rains, it pours, right? Seems true so often. I'm so sorry about y'alls g'parents. It's so difficult to watch them age and get sick. (I'm glad Stacy got to say goodbye tho!)
That's so tough.
And Alzhiemer's is not unfamiliar to me, for sure. It's a gut-wrenching process to watch.
I'm so sorry you're having to experience it!

valerie said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and Stacy. I am very thankful that Stacy made it home safely and was able to go and say his goodbyes to his grandmother. It is so hard to lose someone that we love and I know exactly what you mean about losing someone before you phsically lose them. I went through it with my father and now it seems that my family is going to have to go through it again with my Mom. Any time that you can spend with or talk to your grandfather now, treasure it and know that God will see you and Stacy through this time with only the peace and comfort that he can give.

Michele W. said...

My dearest Missy, I am so sorry you and Stacy are having to go through this. We have and are going through it as. Your Uncle Jim's mother has Alzheimers too. She has been a nursing facility for a while now. It is so hard when you see them slowly loose their minds. For the most part his mother doesn't know us. She'll talk to you, but she doesn't really know who she is talking to. It is very hard on the family. You have to do what YOU feel is best. If it's a "good" day for you grandfather he might know you. But be prepared if he doesn't. If he doesn't, you can sweetly remind him. It's always hard seeing a loved one in a "weaker" state than you would like.... whether it's their mind or physical. If you desire to see your grandfather, then do so. Enjoy what time you have left with him. Cheerish each moment.
I love you! My love and prayers are with you and Stacy,

Aunt Michele

Marsha said...

Well, I'm just sitting her in tears because I know this vacation is SO needed for you and Stacy, but I also know how bittersweet it will be.

Please go and be refreshed and rejuvenated. When you come back, try to call PawPaw again and spend some time together.

Like you said last night, having your grandparents get old and die is tough. But for Stacy's Dad and your Dad, this is their lone remaining parent. So be sure to pray for them as well. I can tell you, your Dad is in turmoil right now. My heart breaks for him. Pray he can get freed up from work to go spend some time with his dad. With 3 hurricanes out there, it doesn't look like it will be anytime over the next week, which is making it difficult.

Have fun! Love you all.

Jeri said...

Just thinking about you guys. Have a wonderful time; let that ocean, vast and wide and deep, bring to mind the love the Father has for us.