If you know me, you know that I ponder long and hard over big decisions.
If you don't know me, I ponder long and hard over big decisions.
I have been pondering long and hard some decisions these past few weeks.
Last week my husband was a bit dismayed because I just wasn't ready to talk about things. But that is just how I work when I am pondering long and hard a big decision.
By pondering, I of course mean lots of prayer and deep thought.
And now for the dilemma:
To work or not to work...that is the question.
This past year was absolute insanity for me. I have worked my Wednesday job, home schooled the kids, and worked around a husband that works 6 days a week-12 hours a day.
It has taken its toll on all of us and I have been feeling very inadequate as a wife and a mom.
I recently cried to my husband about my frustration over his job and the hours he put in and all that he's missing out on. He then agreed to change jobs the beginning of the year and that was that.
I guess that is when God began to really show me things. I became convicted that my frustration over his job may be stemming from my frustration with my own schedule. Big Gulp!!! What? The problems with our sometimes crazy life are not all about Stacy? The moment I realized that I might be the problem was the moment God set my heart at ease and began to open and close doors. It's been really humbling to see God work these things out. I have done this job for 4 years. The past year and a half I have not had someone to back me up and really saw no end in sight as to having someone to train. But God opened a door for that.
Really, to make a long story short, Amber is taking over for me. I trained her today, which was a lot of fun, and I am excited for her to have this opportunity. I am truly amazed at the goodness the Lord has bestowed upon me this past week while I went through the decision making process and for the obvious ways He has made things abundantly clear as to what the decision should be. When I presented things to Stacy, he was so relieved. He was willing to leave the car business, and maybe I just needed to see that he was willing to do that. Now that he feels free to stay in the business and do some things to better manage time and allow better for family time and date nights, I can breath a little sigh of relief.
To really seal the deal, Sunday our pastor preached about Faith. The last thing He said was "Trust God IN the journey...Trust God WITH the journey." Wow...that is exactly where I am right now. I trusted God with the journey, but now as we step out in faith, I will have to trust Him in the journey as well.
To some this may not seem like a big deal. Others have stepped out and gone to seminary and others have gone into the ministry and so and and so on. But for our family, these decisions are a big deal and will make a tremendous impact on our family. I feel now like I can devote 100% to homeschooling. I feel like last year I just barely squeaked by. I also think my not working is going to make a big difference for Stacy. I hope and pray that I will be a better wife and a more organized homemaker. I figure the less stressed I am, the more relaxed he will be.
I also realize now that I have no excuse to not get better organized and be a better time manager. But I am excited to be able to do that. So anyways...that in a nutshell is what has been weighing heavy on my mind right now. I have nothing eloquent to say...nothing earth shattering...no big revelations...no huge spiritual insights...Just some good old fashion faith and complete dependence on God.